All We Can Do is Keep Breathing

my heart is broken once again. and everytime it mends itself, i find it is repaired in the wrong way. i keep going back to what i used to want. and i can’t decide if it’s something i just want or something i simply need. i’m not happy. i’m not happy when i have something and i’m not happy when i’m without it. i want someone to just answer everything for me. business, i am good at. my personal life, i am not. though i know i’m young, my soul is mature and i whole heartedly believe this is possible. i want to know what my future holds for me. until then, my stomach remains in a painful knot of uncertainty. the wind is contantly being knocked out of me. and i am frequently checking my phone for a call or text that i am certain will never come. life has lost its color and i need the pain to stop. want and need. my tissue box lies next to me a void of emotion and pain while my phone vibrations can be felt on my chest and a pounding is heard in my ears. my senses are rumbling with fright and the taste of salt is on my tongue. countless tears have been shed while blankets lay sopping beneath me. a quick glance toward the talking device and all hell could break loose.

bitten nails.

headache.

stomach ache.

heartache.

I am hurting.